so, guess who had a mental breakdown today? i did! i did!
weight is a sensitive topic to me. i don't like it when people feel the need to remind me of what i see in the mirror everyday. yes, i know i am overweight. no, i am not doing much about it apart from not eating everything in sight. yes, i know i will not get many suitors because of my physical appearance. but that is not all life is made of (which is what every fat girl says). i have other priorities in life, such as enjoying it while i still can so that i do not reach the point that you have, where you moan about all the things you did not do when you were young because you worked so hard to keep up with the 'standards'. [you=old people who put too much value on looks]
i do not find much that is wrong with myself despite being overweight. i have great friends. i have good grades. i can do sports. i can dance. i can sing. i can travel. i can teach. i am already loving my future job. i can match my clothes. i can fix your plumbing. i can paint your house. i can change your flat tire. i can de-bug your computer. i can rewire your appliances. i can lift more than a hundred pounds with little difficulty. i can beat your ass at sudoku. i can predict your future.
what more can you ask for? oh, right. a nice, slender, girly, flirty lady. well, guess what? look elsewhere! you're not getting it here. all i know is that when your looks start to fail you, i will be laughing because i have everything i need to survive, and more and you will be dying.
so why did i have a breakdown? well one of my grannies decided to greet me with a "you're fat. don't eat. ever." instead of the usual "you're fat. reduce your eating." i mean, come on. we were at a party. at my house. and i was touching a slice of banana. what is that going to do to me apart from harden my crap?! it took me an hour, isolation, full volume kesha tracks, and a song about sunshine to calm myself down. oh, and a few tears. i did not know where that came from. or maybe i do. it's just so frustrating that every time they meet me (which is like 2-5 times a year), all they can say is i'm fat and everyone else gets a compliment. how is that fair?
most people would say that they comment because they want to help and that it's all out of love. well being older, wiser and more experienced about life does not give you the right to be rude. there is something called constructive criticism. also known as tact and subtlety. and another thing called "letting it go."
sometimes i feel like running away and hiding under a rock. and during this exciting journey, i would run and run and run until i'm stick thin and bulimic. until i start to puke at the sight of food. until everyone is falling at my stiletto-clad feet. until i learn how to keep my mouth shut. until all my spirit is gone. and all that's left is a beautiful robot everyone will hopefully love.
you can't fix something that's not broken. stop trying to fix me. i am not broken. but if you try harder, i just might be.
here's my 2010 wishlist. it's pretty much the same, except i've decided to delete some stuff i no longer wish for and then added some new ones i currently fancy. the items are written at random. no priority of want whatsoever. the newest cravings can be found at the end of each category.
yes, i am a fickle child. the key is to prolong the wait until it comes to a point that i no longer want it. as much.
works like a charm! (but not with books. unfortunately.)
i was tagged by Bj and Frida. had fun so i'm reposting it original post: facebook, 12 June 2009
Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. (Of course, using someone as prolific as Aerosmith, or with as many albums as Metallica seems too easy, let's find something obscure and fun!) Pass it on to 15 people. Try not to repeat a song title. It's harder than you think.
Pick Your Artist: take a wild guess! ... okay, okay. it's A1!
Are you male or female: - Caught In the Middle (things are so different now you're gone.. heh :D)